Who Am I?

For a long time I have assumed that I am a ‘separate self’, independent of others– looking out on an external world of objects. Often I have resisted those external objects and judged them lacking. However, the older I get, the more I doubt the idea of such a self.

 When I investigate my actual experience, I notice that thoughts, memories, sensations, perceptions and emotions exist within ‘my’ field of awareness. I used to believe these were unified by ‘me’ and that I was a person who existed as a cohesive form in the world.

But lately I’ve also noticed that my thoughts arise in a particular space.  What I thought was ‘me’ is like a thunder storm in the sky. This ‘storm’ has clouds, noise, flashing lights and rain. This storm that I am exists in space and, strange as it may be, I am also the space!

How do I know I am also the space in which my experiences arise? One day I just lay back against a sofa, after massaging my neck, and closed my eyes. After a while, all the thoughts, memories, sensations, perceptions and emotions disappeared and all that was left was silence. In that silence sat an aware, peaceful ‘looking’ space. In an instant, I saw the space as ‘me’ too!

Noticing that I am the experiences arising within a space of possibility, has altered ‘my’ reality.  I see all the experiences now, but realize they will soon pass.  This realization brings with it a sense of peace. Finally, all my former goals and judgments seem to have lost their power–now all that seems to matter are the relationships happening and the amazing way life is unfolding–right NOW.